What a Mom Wants

Milk Supply

Before I start I want to say my girl Kim is right, this breastfeeding stuff is not easy. And if it’s not for you, no harm no foul; don’t let anyone make you feel bad about it. You are the Mom and you get to decide what’s right for you and your family. Period.

Okay now that's out of the way back to the subject at hand, Supply.

So, I went to the classes and I read the books and I thought I was ready for this very hard breastfeeding thing. I thought I had researched it all. But it turns out I wasn’t prepared for everything. Which is pretty much a lesson I learn over and over, this parenthood thing never seems to go as planned.

The classes told me that breastfeeding was natural and to trust my supply and blah blah blah. Yeah okay, that was not the case with me I had supply issues. My little guy was a hungry hungry hippo and my girls couldn’t keep up. We ended up feeding him a bottle of formula before we even left the hospital. Thank goodness for formula! Formula is not the devil it’s a life saver.

How do you know if you have supply issues you ask? Here’s how I found out. My baby wouldn’t sleep he was up crying and crying for hours and this was day two. We were all so very tired and he would not sleep. I rang the nurse in the hospital and asked for a bottle of formula. He drank a teeny tiny amount and poof he was asleep. He slept for hours and hours finally satisfied. And that’s how I knew. He has always done this, when he won’t sleep and is crying his face off I try a bottle and poof he's asleep. As my pediatrician says the little guy likes a full belly, nothing wrong with that.

I really have no idea how I went through all this, usualy I’m the biggest quitter on the planet. Something very strange kicked in when I had that baby and I just kept trying and trying. This is what I did; I drank 2-3 cups of Mother’s Milk Tea , and 1-2 non alcoholic beers a day. These suggestions were from my Nurse Practitioner she said there was something in the hops in beer that increased supply, and the tea had some special milk magic herb. After a feeding (back then he’d eat for an hour!) I would then hand the baby off for a formula top off and I’d get to pumping for about 10 minutes. Also if it had been more than 4 hrs since the last feeding I would pump. You know how I am about waking up a sleeping baby, so sometimes I’d let him sleep and go pump. I use the Medela Pump In Style, why is it called that? It is in no way stylish. This thing is big and it works but not stylish. So after about two weeks of this regimen I was in business. Sometimes he’d go through a growth spurt and by the end of the day we’d need to feed him formula but for the most part he’s a breastfed baby.

Oh and the kid? He could care less what he has boob, bottle, breast milk, formula it’s all food to him. He’s a lot like someone else in this house when it comes to eating not to mention looks. This kid looks just like his father and then last night he started saying Da Da in the cutest voice you ever heard. Now I know he has no idea what he’s saying and yeah Da Da is easier to say than Ma Ma but come on how about a little love for the Mom that was struggling to feed you for 8 weeks?

Stay tuned and I'll tell you about my adventures in nursing bras I know you can hardly handle the suspense!

- Tess

Breastfeeding 101

When I think of very funny things, I never think about breastfeeding.

It's work. Hard work. Especially in the beginning.

I am not going to get into all of the pros and cons, or weigh in on the debate. Eff that. We'll save that for when what you do with your breasts directly affects me - which will be never.

But if you are going to give it a try, here's what you need and what you need to know for the first month.

Ok, Creams. I used three different creams. Why three? Well, I figured if I kept them on a rotation then I would be getting something I needed that maybe I didn't know that I needed at least one-third of the time. The good news, I never suffered any of the cracked nipples that scared the bejesus out of me when I talked to friends. I used Palmers, Lansinoh and pure lanolin that the hospital gave me - all are safe for baby. I liked the lanolin quite a bit because it didn't stain anything, the texture was not as sticky as the other two and it smelled good. See if you can get a tube from the nurse. I don't need any of the creams now just because your nipples get conditioned after a while. But in the beginning, it helps keep them lubricated so that they don't split. You should know that the creams pretty much do nothing for the pain. So don't expect pain relief. That's what Motrin is for. We'll get into that later.

Oh also, they say to start conditioning your nipples with the cream before you deliver. I didn't do this so I don't know if it works. People also say that you can use extra breastmilk to rub on your nipples. The problem with that is you might not be producing a whole lot in the beginning and you want to save every drop for that little pumpkin of yours. Also, pumping in the beginning isn't the most pleasant experience. Why add that to the list of already unpleasant things you are dealing with?

Nursing pads. My good friend Tess sent me a plethora of these items because lucky her, she doesn't leak. Me on the other hand? Leak-a-palooza featuring Leak in Chains and Pearl Leak. Anyway, I tried the machine washable, reusable material kind, I saturated those is like 5 minutes. Forget those. The Lily-Padz, those I like because they are not only reusable, but they keep you from leaking altogether - not just absorb the leaks. The only problem with the Lily-Padz is that you can really only use them when you are feeding pretty regularly. If you try to use them overnight and your baby sleeps for a few hours (nice!), they sometimes pop off and then you leak all over yourself. They also feel really good. If you have sore nipples, they feel the best on your skin, better than the cotton pads.  The Lansinoh Ultra Soft Nursing Pads feel pretty good and are great for absorption and they are the only ones I really use right now. I need that absorption!

Nursing pillows. I have to go with My Brest Friend. You have back support, a pocket to keep a granola bar, your nursing pads, cream and your iPod. It has elbow rests and it puts your baby in the best postion for nursing.  It really is the best product. The back support is the best feature. Your tummy muscles are going to be jelly after you deliver which is going to put a lot of strain on your back. MyBrest Friend will keep from adding any additional aggravation to the area. The boppy is awkward and annoying. I don't recommend it for feeding, but you will use it later for other stuff. 

Breastfeeding uniform. I am referring to what you will be wearing. You will need quick and easy access to your breasts. No fiddling around with buttons or bras. My uniform is nursing bra, tank top and hooded sweatshirt. Pants are up to you. Wear what is comfortable. I suggest yoga pants or sweats for the first month. When I need to whip these things out, it's easy, I am covered up where I want to be covered up and it's easy to get in and out of. More importantly, you need to be comfy.

Pain relief. Two words. Mo. Trin. Don't mess around. Also, I bought gel patches for my breasts that I could either freeze for application after I fed my daughter or heat prior to feeding her to help with let down. You could use a bag of frozen peas, too, but these pads had a hole in the middle to fit your nipple through and applied the coolness/heat directly to the area around the nipple which gave the best relief. They also fit inside your bra better than a bag of peas. Again, I don't use these anymore, but they were extremely helpful in the beginning.

Entertainment. If you don't have TiVo or DVR service, you are screwed. There is nothing good on TV in the middle of the night unless you haven't bought Proactive yet. I recommend half-hour to hour long shows. If you don't watch or read something, you will stare at the clock in despair. I watched the Daily Show and the Colbert Report (both half-hour shows) because you need to laugh at 1 am even if it's about the country going to hell. I have no recommendations for the conservatives out there! Sorry! Also, magazines are good. Books, too. Nothing too heavy. Don't pick this time to read Grapes of Wrath. And don't worry, your baby will become a more efficient eater after several weeks and you won't need to entertain yourself anymore. You will have just enough time to marvel at your little creation and she'll be done.

Personal Servant. i.e. husband, mom, sister, friend. Your baby will be crying for you to feed her. She will not wake up and say to you, "No! Anytime you are ready! I can definitely wait until you grab a glass of water, a granola bar, your cream and pads, the remote, the nursing pillow, a burp rag and your feeding log! No problem!" You will try to have everything in one place, but alas 2-3 items will be missing. That's what your Personal Servant is for. Believe me, with what you are going through, it's the least he/she can do.

Patience. It's weird. You have an i n c r e d i b l e amount of patience when you are a new mom. You don't have any idea where it comes from. A couple of weeks before you deliver, you will scratch the eyes out of the waiter who cut your sandwich into triangles when you specifically requested trapezoids. But you have your baby, and you will try 75 times without frustration, to get the jammies buttoned with the snap closures synchronized. Bottom line: Breastfeeding requires patience. And if you haven't been blessed with the new mom patience, big deal! Maybe it's not for you. Don't feel bad. Your baby needs a happy mom first and foremost.

I can tell you that nursing was significantly easier at about the 5- to 6-week mark. They were the longest 5 to 6 weeks of my life, though. My incredibly supportive friends (thank you, girls!)and the products above got me through. I hope they are helpful to you, too.

I'll write about the wonderful world of engorgement in my next post! Stay tuned...

- Kim

Little Baby Manicure

This task can be impossible. Especially if your husband is leaning over you going ‘ooooo, eeeee be careful!’. Seriously this is not helpful. It used to be a whole lot easier when he was that slow moving infant. But now that he’s grabbing at everything these days it’s almost impossible.

How do his nails grow so fast anyway? And why oh why must he scratch out his eyes when he’s tired? Just go to sleep like the rest of humanity! Then I wouldn’t have to worry about these types of things. Well except for his scratching shenanigans because his skin is oh so very itchy. Ugh.
Of course as you know advice comes from every where so, I’m told “do it when he’s sleeping!”. In theory I guess this is a good idea. But I can’t risk waking him up to cut his nails. Not worth it. So here’s what works for me, get those little baby scissors wait until he’s nice and drowsy, put on the headlamp and go to town.

I look redonkulous I know this, but whatever it works. And the scissors? They came in a little baby grooming kit. Those things are a must, they really do work the best the clipper type are just too hard.    

-Tess

Gymini Love

I am one of those moms who just wasn't too sure that my daughter needed any toys. I just figured we would lay around and watch the Daily Show with Jon Stewart, read The Week, and then maybe for some development time, we could do the NY Times crossword. Sounded like fun!

She wasn't buying it.

When I was completing my Baby Shower registry, I wanted practical, minimalist things. I didn't want to register for the multi-colored, psychedelic-patterned, bunch-of-crap-hanging-off-it, high-pitched-music-playing learning and development monstrosity also known as the infamous Gymini or Activity Gym.

So, naturally we bought one.

I am embarrassed to say that she loves that thing. It is baby heroin.

I laid under it once, just to see what all of the fuss was about. It was crazy under there. I had a glass of wine, put on Pink Floyd's The Wall and rode my Gymini buzz out. I could see why she was into it. It was much more stimulating than my "Say Mommy" exercises or my trite attempts at songwriting. My latest single was "Mommy Hasn't Brushed Her Teeth in Two Days so Please Take a Nap." I have a couple of labels interested in it.

Anyway, you need one of these. It actually buys us a half-hour or more 2 or 3 times a day. Do you know what you could do in a half hour? You could save the world in a half-hour. Or at least neaten and straighten your world in that amount of time.

Yes, it's ugly and annoying.

Yes, your husband will trip over it almost on a daily basis when he comes home. (Serious, you can see this thing from a mile away and he will step over a penny on the floor, but still take out the Gymini, the coffee table and a house plant trying to get from the kitchen to the couch!)

Yes, it's overpriced.

And yes, she will love it.

She will amaze you when she plays under it. My daughter will put her hand through multiple rings, spin a globe, hit the frog who dings and knock the keys about in a never-ending sequence of newborn delight. I wish I could get 10% of the people I work with to multi-task the way she does. We've added more rings and toys than it comes with (a must!) and we change it up a bit every couple of weeks so she doesn't get bored. Also, the mat material is machine washable!

Just think of it as one more thing that you get to pack with you to Grandma's house.

Now doesn't that feel better?

- Kim

Little tiny Pirate

So my daughter has finally gotten a tooth. She is 9.5 months old and ever since she was 3 months old I have been asked by my mother if she has any teeth yet, told by other people when she drooled, cried or was fussy she must be teething. Teething has been the culprit for every little thing except when she smiles for the past six months. This tooth has been a long time coming and now that it is here it is reeking havoc on her nap time and my (run around the house like a chicken with my head cut off, what can I get done in hopefully her full 45 minute nap, please - I hope no one shows up and rings the doorbell causing the dog to bark and wake her early) time.

I didn’t even know the tooth was coming in. She does not have a gummy smile and won’t let me get my finger in there to check. One night when trying to get her to bed she was screaming and more fussy than normal. During one of her open mouth screams I was able to get my finger in there and low and behold I felt a tooth. Even though it is only one tooth it felt more like jaws biting down on my finger. I found that Baby Tylenol and Baby Orajel worked great at relieving the pain for her and a glass of wine or two worked great for my pain. Now that she has this tooth I thought the questioning would subside, but now I am left wondering when the rest are going to come in and when she is fussy for naps is it other teeth coming in, or something else. I have to admit every time she smiles with the one tooth showing it always makes me laugh, she looks like a pirate saying Argh!
- Diane

Fashion Predicament

So here’s my latest problem. I dress my little guy up cute as can be and in 5 mins he’s puked and drooled all over his fancy apparel. The logical answer is a bib. Have you seen the bibs on the market? They are thin, small and don't get me started on the ones with the stupid sayings and when I say stupid I mean it. My personal favorite is ‘I’m a boob man’. Nice. Come on, I’m all for funny but that’s not even funny.

So I thought of making some bibs. There are some great fabrics out there and I dream of being able to whip up super cute baby clothes. But this is a pipe dream, I have zero spare time. If I’m not working or dealing with the 1000 other things on my plate, I’m napping. Which reminds me, I have to call a plumber home ownership is such a blast, let me tell you. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes the pipe dream.

Here’s my solution, if you don’t know Etsy by now well today is the day to learn. I love the concept of this website, and I LOVE the stuff. I did a quick search on bibs and there they were beautiful handmade bibs. I bought from three different sellers and all were shipped in no time. Now, the drool monster gets all kinds of complements on his cute bibs. Fashion problem solved!

- Tess

Road Tripping

Wow, Father's Day Weekend was cuh-ra-zeeee.

Traveling between my family and my husband's family with a 10-week old is a feat of giant proportions - especially in So Cal. The traffic alone is maddening, but mix with that the dysfunction, the diapers and a couple of Dewars on the Rocks to get you through and you've got yourself quite a Sunday cocktail of chaos.

The good news? We are feeling more and more confident taking her out and juggling all of her needs...and ours. The bad news? It's hard for a girl to take a constructive nap while she's being juggled. Who can blame her? TV blaring, younger brother introducing another new girlfriend who I have to entertain, friendly neighbor whose had one-too-many, and doting grandparents who are in town for only a couple of days and need to get their cuddles and pinches in.

So, what have I learned?

Well, you just have to be flexible. When people want to know what time you are going to be there, that number o'clock better have an -ish connected to it. In other words, 11-ish, 12-ish, Today-ish. People will understand and if they don't, to hell with them.

Second of all, if you are going to pack too much of anything, it better be diapers and clothes. With all of the rough handling, my daughter threw up on herself (and me) into the teens. Now, I don't change her every time she douses herself from neck to waist. But when things start to get sticky and the bibs have seen better days, a change of clothes does everyone good. An extra shirt for you is a good idea, too.

One of the things that puts our mind at ease whenever we are in the car, especially in So Cal where you could be stranded should there be an earthquake or if they shut down a freeway, is an Emergency Backpack. For our girl, we've added 6 diapers, a travel pack of wipes, a bottle, a 6-pack of ready-to-eat formula, a couple of formula powder singles and a change of clothes. We hope we will never need to use it, but it's great to have. As she grows, we replace the items with age appropriate sizes so it is always up-to-date. We have one in each car and one in the house. Even if you are nursing, it's important to have a formula option in the backpack if you are not around or god forbid, something happens to you.

Also important, you need to take care of yourselves. Make sure you are eating, having fun and taking advantage of the extra hands. If you aren't keeping your energy up, it will be harder and harder as the day progresses. You will be tired, hungry, cranky and impatient. And that isn't good for anyone, especially your mini.

Finally, and this is a big one, you just have to be firm when your little one needs some sleep. This, I didn't do. But I will next time. Family and friends will want to hold her and touch her, keeping her awake. You just need to make your apologies and put her down for a couple of hours. She will be much more interactive and playful if she has some good nap time. Our girl didn't have any meltdown moments from the lack of sleep, but I felt bad when she was rubbing on her face. She was tired, poor thing, and I can tell you, we were scared about what the night had in store for us. Lucky for us, she went right down after we 5 S'd her. Thank goodness for Dr. Harvey Karp!

Traveling with baby is a challenge, but the more you do it, the more savvy you become. You gotta just get out there and enjoy the ride!

- Kim

The Kindness of Others

My, oh, my! If I had a nickel for every snippet, nugget and morsel of advice I have received since I (a) became pregnant and (b) started toting my newbie around the aisles of Target (Mecca for all new moms!) – well, I’d be wearing a diamond encrusted nursing bra and matching sweats by now.

From the moment you become pregnant until the end of life as you know it, people will tell you what to name your kid, how to raise your kid, what to feed your kid. Just insert a verb and add “your kid” and someone will have an opinion about it.

I remember going to the hardware store for some mundane home improvement product and the two ladies at the checkout counter had me in a baby naming tug of war. “You should name her ‘Ashlyn Vegas’!” “No, no, no! ‘Trinity Rain’!” My husband was about to pull out his credit card when I plopped cash on the counter and told them to keep the change. I didn’t think we had time to wait for that thing to process before I punched one of these ladies in the face.

Why is it when you have a baby, she becomes the entire world’s baby? They say it takes a village to raise a child, but I think sometimes the village needs to mind their own business.

“Are you going to nurse? You have to nurse!”

"Are you going to have a C-section? Don’t have a C-section!”

Motherhood is challenging enough without all of the unsolicited advice and the books scaring the you-know-what out of you because of the 0.000076542% chance that your child can be born with one of a gazillion defects that no one has even heard of let alone tuned into a telethon about.

My most personal decisions became the world’s business – well, let’s be real, the world was not interested in my offspring, but in my world, it sure felt like it. Every book, every website, every rubbernecker at the grocery store seemed to take a tone with me that really had me on the defense.

And this breastfeeding debate? Let’s face it, this movement is bordering on militant. Look, I nurse my daughter, but I don’t think that I have any right to tell another woman what to do with her body (especially that part). I highly doubt that whether you nurse your baby or not is going to determine if he or she is going to rob me. My mom had 8 kids and we were all formula-fed, and if she would have nursed us, she would be crazier than she is now. And that’s mighty crazy. And I assure you that only 25% of us have ever robbed anybody.

My point is this: You will be ultra sensitive about people offering you advice. If someone offered you advice on any other aspect of your life, you could handle it with the grace and style of a modern, civilized citizen. You will froth at the mouth in blinding anger when someone sees you staring at a shelf of diaper pails for 35 minutes and whispers to you what worked for her and her three kids. Be aware of it and try to keep it in check.

My other point is: Be assertive if someone steps over the line. Think of a canned answer so that you aren’t caught off guard when someone inevitably tells you that you are holding her too much or asks you if you are going to nurse. My personal favorite is: “Back off, old lady.” But you may opt for something like, “I prefer to do it this way. Thanks for the advice” or “I don’t feel comfortable discussing my breasts with you.” If you have a standardized response, you will handle it better. And remember, you are the only one who knows what is right for you and your family. None of these children come with instruction manuals. And if they did, each one would operate differently and be missing the allen wrench and one screw.

And finally, now that you are a mom, you are going to think that your way is the best way. Remember all of the people driving you crazy? Don’t become one of them. It’s all about how you package your advice. Be sensitive and supportive to other moms and know when to back off.

- Kim

Look no hands!

Okay, let’s talk about baby carriers. It seems like there are a ton of different kinds out there.

When my little guy was teeny-tiny he would try to latch on to anything that would touch his face. So those front carrier types did not work out. He’d just bounce off my chest with his mouth wide open, trying to latch. Oh and then he’d start screaming. It sounds like fun, doesn't it? I was not ready give up, there is stuff to do around this house that requires the use of my arms. So, I started looking for a sling type of carrier. Hoping he’d be happier if he wasn’t facing my chest. Here’s the one I found, the Peanut Shell

We look like crazy hippies using it but we love this thing. I say we because even my husband uses it. Lately when all hell breaks loose and the little guy gets all fussy McFussy pants we stick him in the Peanut Shell and suddenly, he’s happy. And in this house when baby is happy everyone is happy. Nine times out of ten he even falls asleep in it. I’m telling you this thing is magic. I thought we’d only use it when he was little but the Baby Bjorn we have just kills our backs. This sling is comfortable, easy to pack and easy to use once you get the hang of it.

- Tess

More Like Baby 911.

When I started to go to my regular prenatal appointments, I spent a lot of time waiting in the exam room for my OB. After rifling through the drawers for drug samples and crafting an exact replica of the Parthenon out of tongue depressors, I came across a book titled Baby 411: Clear Answers & Smart Advice for Your Baby's First Year.

Now, if you are like most people, you immediately judge books by their covers - like I do. So naturally, my first thought was,"This garish font and obscene purple cover will never match my People magazines on the coffee table!" I opened the book anyway and browsed though some of the content. I liked it. Simple questions followed by simple, but thorough answers.

As the weeks wore on and out (like my increasing waistline inevitably did), I would look forward to picking up the book during my appointments so that I could read more about what lay ahead of me. I liked the format. If I had a specific question and didn't want to read all of the what-ifs, the index pointed me in the right direction. It was a true reference book. But if there was something that I wanted more information about, I could read the entire section and get a more well-rounded view. The language was clear, nonjudgmental and lacked the condescending tone that most baby guides ladle out so liberally.

So I bought it.

And when the stork delivered our little bundle of joy, that book saved our life.

There are complete sections on: Preparing for Baby; Care and Feeding; Sleep, Development and Discipline; Sickness and How to Avoid It; and First Aid. I have found the individual chapters on Breastfeeding and Sleep extremely helpful.

The best part is that this book is written by REAL moms. And when I say REAL, I mean REAL. I am not talking about moms who iron their baby's disposable diapers or have enrolled their fetus in Driving School already. I am talking about practical moms who know what's important and focus on the care of your child and your sanity.

If you are looking for a reference book that you can get quick answers from or if you enjoy the prose of  a more traditional book, Baby 411 delivers. Look up the info you need or read each section through, start to finish. The information is up-to-date, thorough and relevant - three things your wardrobe will never be again.

-Kim